Again and again, parents have demonstrated the capacity to be caring and effective despite stressful and difficult experiences. With the help of family, friends, and community organizations, including Head Start, parents can deal with difficult stressors such as bereavement, job loss, or even depression. Some keys for coping are: recognizing that the experience is difficult, reaching out to others, not trying to go it alone, acknowledging then need for help, and working to set realistic goals. This can be easier said than done. Many people under stress find it painful to look at their choices and the circumstances that surround them. It can be too easy to forget the positive experiences in their lives, both individually and in the history of their family. But taking the time to think about your life and plan for the future, also known as self-reflection, can be a very useful tool for parenting through such tough times.
Self-reflection can help you:
• Keep track of what happens to you and your family and,
with practice, provide a focus on what has worked out. Even
remembering a past difficult time can be positive when you
can pay attention to how it was resolved or how it was
handled. Noting what works for you and your family helps to
build successful parenting strategies and can give your spirits
a lift.
• Recognize your place in the larger picture: Taking time to
gain perspective can help you to identify the circumstances
that are beyond your control in order to focus on the circumstances
that you can change. Also, all of us are part of many
communities: churches, neighborhoods, and, of course,
families. Recognizing your place in these larger groups and
participating in them are important for you and your
children.
• Plan for your future: Being able to plan is essential, particularly
if struggling with a difficult time. The plan may simply
be how to make it through the day, how to get to your next
appointment, or how to get help in taking care of your
children. Try to pay special attention to scheduling mealtimes
and bedtimes when at all possible. Planning and then following
a routine can be very comforting during times that are
otherwise uncertain.
• Start fresh: Being able to start over is important. Don’t hesitate
to go back and start over in thinking about how to help
your children.
What are some ways to practice productive
self-reflection?
• Find a quiet moment to take a breath: As tough as it might
be to find the place and time to simply reflect on our lives,
it is one of the most important things you can do to take
care of yourself as a parent.
• Keep a journal: Many families find it helpful to write down
reflections about what has gone well and how they solve
problems. This can also help in anticipating and dealing with
future stresses.
• Talk with others about positive events, and also about
getting through difficult ones.
• Create a drawing or other object to remember an important
event.
• Take pictures: Keep collections of photographs depicting the
good times to help you and your family remember that such
positive experiences are possible.
• Celebrate the meaningful holidays and traditions of your
culture or religious faith and help your children learn about
them.
• Share music and other art forms with your children: Songs,
hymns, music, and art often encourage people to remember
the positives and express a range of feelings.
Open communication is the foundation of good relationships,
and celebrating the positives in yourself, your children, your
family, and in the larger community is tremendously important.
Making it through a difficult time means finding and connecting
with many different resources at many times— with community,
religious faith, caregivers, friends and families. Feeling down
and blue or undergoing a loss can disrupt these connections,
but they can be reestablished. Focusing on what children need,
providing what you can, getting others to help, and remembering
what works are essential resources.